Agony

The second day is worse.

The second day brings a dawn that is not welcome. How can time move on? Yesterday was a sleepless night, an aching heart, a throbbing skull. Today there is the weak winter sun, defiance to this sharp heartbreak.

But there is nothing in me left to care. There’s not even a fight left. Nothing in this soul.

Only the quiet, dull remnants of a once vibrant girl.

Only the pain.

I’ve never known agony like this. The tears are a constant flow. They run unhindered down my cheeks and fall from my jaw to my collarbones, leaving a delicate stream of sorrow down my face.

Even breathing has become an effort. I have to remember to drag the air through my ragged throat. And out again. And back in.

And then my thoughts wander back, and I can’t control the screams. My mouth opens, my lungs protest. and I wrap my arms tighter, fighting the chills, keeping the screams locked inside.

But I can’t hold them in forever. They rip from my throat, the sound of pure pain torn from a place so deep inside me that the hurt becomes physical, my body shaking so hard, threatening to explode.

Agony.

I feel myself falling. The high was so high, and I know this low, if unchecked, will be lower than anything I’ve ever experienced.

I’m frightened, but there’s nothing left in me to feel the fear.
I’m alone, and the pain accentuates the loneliness.

Agony.